5 minute dream.

I had to come to school early today for the 101 final (to give it, not take it). I woke up at 3:00 am and couldn't get back to sleep (cold/menopause combo?). At about 5:45 I dozed off.

I was sitting with some school friends (though my awake mind has no idea who the people in my dream were), and I told a funny joke. I don't remember the joke, it's just as well, it probably wasn't funny. I looked at the clock and it was 7:03. I jumped up to get ready to go, because I had to be at school at 7:30 am. (I am still dreaming). I went into the bedroom area to see that water was gushing out of all of the vents! Things were getting soaked. I picked up Zach's backpack (which looked suspiciously like mine to my waking mind), and put it on the bed. I was somewhat upset because I had to go to school, I had all of the tests! Luckily, I have this amazing ability to wake up, which is just what I did. And in time to get to school and get the tests to the students.

Triplets?

First, I got stuck in a vasopressin studies feedback loop. I don't know how long I was actually stuck in it, but I did make my self wake up and play games on the computer (because I have no internet at my apartment even though I paid for it) for about an hour. Once my thought patterns had changed enough I went back to sleep - and learned that Megan just found out she is having triplets and that one of them is actually older than the one she knew she was having. It was really weird. The ultrasound was actually a box filled with black shiny dust protecting two pink porcelain penny banks, and a blue porcelain penny bank. A certain really hated ex boyfriend with a set of twins of his own was explaining how the whole think happened.

I haven't talked to Megan yet today, but I'm pretty sure she is still just having the one baby and that a second, older baby isn't sharing the uterin space.

Sticks in my bed

I was having a late dream, I had already been awake enough to check email and read all my internet stuff. It started with babies and clients, but then I got home, I guess. I was dreaming that I was making my bed, and was brushing some stuff off of it, like leaf crumbs or something. The more I brushed the more there were as I walked around the bed. Then I pulled back the covers and there was a pile of sticks there. They looked suspiciously like pretzel sticks to my awake and aware mind, because I have been snacking on those for a few days. But in my dream mind, they were definitely sticks.

I thought it was strange, and I asked my grandma (who suddenly was there - but had been talking to me the whole time I was making my bed) and she said it was because I had been in the park with her and her friends and we were having fun there.

then I woke up, and there weren't any crumbs, sticks or pretzels in my bed. I thought to myself, hmmm that would make a good novel, but now that hours have passed, I realize, there is no story here. Just weird.

My dreams are strange

The other night I woke up several times to look at the clock. Each time I said to myself "good! There's still enough time!" and went back to sleep. I have no Idea what there was enough time for.

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Last night I dreamed that one of my ex-clients had been painting - and his work was spectacular. He didn't know it though, and no one was encouraging him, so I did.

Then there was a baby still in diapers. It was a very smart baby that didn't want to wear diapers, so I told it all it had to do is go potty in the potty chair and it wouldn't have to wear diapers anymore. So, it did.

Then I was trying to help the clients put together some kind of bridge toy. I was trying to get it together when my step dad came and gave us some help. Suddenly we were outside and there was snow and mud on the ground. I kept thinking it should be really cold, but my feet and hands were very warm. When I woke up, my hands and feet were very warm.

Next time, I want to win the lottery!

I dreamed that Lex had won the lottery - or something. He was filthy rich. So I managed to get my hands on $20,000 and spent it ALL on Zach and Megan (I bought her a wedding dress and vale - is it possible I still have bitter feelings about him not pitching in for her wedding?). Tons of stuff that they really wanted. Housewares for Zach (who is moving out on his own soon), clothing, decorations and fun stuff.

Then, I tried to hide it all so he wouldn't see it when he came over. He found some of it, and took it. He was so mad that I had taken his money (hey, he owes me about $15,000 - another $5000 for interest over 20 years is fair)! The kids were really disappointed. But there was some left.

Until we all went about our business - work and school. We got home and EVERYTHING was gone. Even the heater (reminds me of how he came over while I was at work right after I filed for divorce and took all of his stuff that he want, and much of mine)! Zach was freaking out.

It was just a dream.

Burning Houses, Ice Dolls, Brain Tumors and Driving to Closely

Have you ever noticed how dreams never have a beginning or resolution? At least mine don't.

So, I'm sitting with some people I know, in the dark. I think we are in a park having a picnic. At night. Well-that's how dreams go, isn't it?

I look to the right and see giant flames leaping into the sky. I point the spectacle out to my companions and we decide to go check it out.

When we get there, it isn't clear whether the house has burned down or just the giant elm tree, but the people who lived there said the house was fine. It was black, but since they said it was fine, it must have been. Anyway, my dream self believed them. And since it suddenly became midday, things had to be fine, right?

So we're sitting and talking for a while. Then I leave with my companions (nameless faceless friends). We are driving in a convertible on a hot day down Shoshone street, having a great time. We have these pieces of ice that in my dream were really dolls. We were giving them to all the little kids. I never saw any little kids, but boy were we giving away the dolls, and boy, did all the little girls love them!

Then we were down to the last of them, and they were nothing but broken shards of ice. The friend who was driving shrugged her shoulders and stuck one in her mouth and crunched it, much to the dismay of all the little girls wanting the dolls. Cannibal woman!

We got to the hospital (I guess - because I was there all of a sudden) and the doctors were firing up the life flight helicopter. They were trying to find a hospital that would take me immediately so I could get brain surgery. Apparently I had a brain tumor. It was an adventure!

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Yesterday morning I was looking to the right, then I looked ahead of me to see that I was about to rear-end the car in front. I slammed on the brakes, and the pain of my ankle being tweaked by my foot hitting the footboard of my bed woke me up!

Waitressing

It's been a while since I remembered my dream. Last night I dreamed that I was supposed to work as a waitress in this little cafe. No one had really trained me yet, but all of a sudden the bosses were pointing at the tables and people were sitting there, apparently perturbed, because they hadn't been waited on. I was trying to get them some water, but no one would tell me what glasses to use. Finally, the big fat bald old male boss told me to use these plastic glasses that had been flattened. The dream ended with me trying to open up the glasses so I could pour water in them.

The disturbing part of this dream was that the woman was someone I have had some kind of dealings with recently. She was about 60, had her hair all teased, curled and sprayed. She was wearing a bright floral pant suit and she waddled as she walked because she was overweight. I cannot, for the life of me, remember where I have seen this woman! I can't help think that the business I had with her had something to do with Megan, but I can't place her. I got the distinct impression that she thought I was beneath her. Who is she? Is she really someone I have done business with? Is she a compilation of many people? I don't know. It just might drive me batty!

The Good, The Bad, The Piano and the Spider.

My dreams really are becoming more typical. Not normal, because I don't know what that is.

The first dream I remember having was about bad guys and good guys. It started with a bad guy threatening to kill a couple of guys if they don't give them the money. I was one of the good guys, and I really wasn't willing to part with my money. It couldn't have been much, about $500 I guess (which is about how much I really have). It was in this big filing box that had tons and tons checks in it. We kept telling the guy that all the money was in the bank. He believed it and was about to leave. Then I saw a little corn of the money sticking down out of the box. I went over and pushed it back up. I didn't know if he saw it, but I had the feeling he'd be back when I wasn't there.

Then, I was this beautiful black woman, the wife of the guy I was, and I saw the guy coming back. I ran back to the apartment to save the wife of the other guy. I told her to hurry up and follow me, the bad guys were coming. I ran to the utility room on the ground level floor, and we slipped through an opening in the floor. It lead to a really dark tunnel (lit only for film purposes, but pitch black to us - like in LOTR when Frodo goes into the tunnels), but I knew the way out. I was holding the other girls hand and feeling along the walls of the tunnels for turns. At the last turn I was telling her to tell me when we got to the next turn. We went through it and waiting for us was the red cross. They were going to take us to the hospital in their red cross mobile. I kept telling them the bad guys were after us.

I don't know if they listened, I woke up.

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In the second dream I bought a new piano so Megan would feel guilty about taking hers with her. There was room for it and everything! It sounded so good, and I thought it would be fun to learn to play songs that Megan knows, but her piano is really out of tune. I hired a guy to come and tune it.

But, like any fantasy worth it's spit, I decided to get it on with the guy. Unfortunately, Lex showed up, and in my dream we were still married. He made such a fuss, and I was so mad. I grabbed a piano string and was going to beat him with it, but then I was all alone.

So I went to put the string on a nail in the wall, but there was a spider on the nail. So I went to find one a little farther in the doorway, and as soon as I got past the spider I turned and looked at it. All of a sudden it was about the size of a tennis ball. I decided I would jot past it back into the room, but I was being held back by spider webs. I made a mad dash to get past it, but it jumped on my back and bit me. It hurt. When I woke up, the muscles in my back were all in a spasm. I guess my body just wanted to get into the dream and make it that much more real for me.

Blog design vs Hollywood and Exercise

Interesting night of dreams. Redesigning my blogs has seeped into my dreams.

Hollywood movies and actors needed to be more honest and real in one dream. The dreams seemed to be happening on a blog background. It was weird. The more dishonest the movie and actor were, the more spotted and melty the blog background and header became. Take that hollywood!

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But it was another dream that had the full gamut of weirdness about it.

Megan and Zach were both trying to get involved in my colleges fitness program which was apparently run by the overzealous, body-building, personal trainer that I rode the bus with and her husband. But I didn't want them to use up all of my money, so I was trying to hide it from them.

At the same time, I was trying to make myself a very sweet mocha (I must miss JAVA) and Jumanji (my first dream of her since her death!) was eating one of the ingredients and threw it all up because it was too sweet and pink. I ended up getting some wheat crackers for her that Megan also wanted. So instead of getting my mocha, I was eating wheat crackers.

We got to the place and there was this dilapidated type of price is right board where you placed a sport device (golf clubs, tennis rackets, etc) in the appropriate hole. I put the golf club in one of them and they said you just have to go out and practice your swing.

Well, I was upset because I can do that without paying.

Then I was sitting in some waiting room for someone who would be setting up my exercise program. I was talking to the before mentioned body builder and her husband when my nose started running. No, not like that. I was pouring - kind of like a really bad nose bleed, but instead of blood it was the slimy mucus gunk. Someone handed me a huge handful of paper towels. I tried to wipe my nose on it, but it was no time at all before it was completely saturated. It was gross.

It was so gross that some of the people who were sitting in the room started leaving. I kept thinking should go to the bathroom to spare everyone, but I was too lazy.

But then, you know what happens at the end of all dreams. You wake up!

Hillbillies meet Aristocracy

Last night I dreamed that it was the day before Megan's wedding and she, a couple of her friends and I decided to go shopping to make sure we had everything together. On the way, Megan was acting like she was invincible and was crossing a street without even looking for traffic. I told her that was not acceptable, because it was special occasions when people were most likely to die (that had to have come from an Oprah show that was about a whole family that was killed by a drunk driver after a wedding on a 4th of July weekend). There was something strange about how it started, though. I kind of remember an old station wagon and some creepy old balloons, it's really fuzzy, but somehow it affected how I was. I was like some drunk hick acting all weird. Megan was acting a little weird, and when Steve came in he wanted to know if we had been drinking. Megan said we had a little, but we hadn't. I was ashamed of myself.

I am ready to start having dreams that aren't about Megan's wedding.

Trudging through grass

My dreams were not so good last night. I dreamed that I was trying to get someplace and was trudging through a thick path of three foot high grass. I looked back and realized I had left a path through it which bothered me. It turned out to be special grass the MML was growing and she knew then she need to get Zach away from me so he would turn out ok.

Then I was in a yard with Megan Zach and Dad and Megan had this little tiny horse. He had hidden in a space behind Zach and when I tried to get him out I heard a pop. Dad said he was limping on one side and I felt horrible. I knew that I had finally done the one thing that would cause me to lose my kids forever.

Not such a good night.

A baby?

This is one of those recurrent themes. I had a baby. I really wanted the baby. I wasn't very good at taking care of the baby.

This one was different in that, in the end, there was no baby. I had hallucinated all of the baby stuff.

No, I really don't want a new baby.

Skiing Pot Head

I dreamt I went skiing. I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was, but I improvised. The next day, I decided to take Zach with me. We were going with another guy who was dating a girl with disabilities. The girl was the one in the movie The Other Sister which we just watched yesterday. They boy was not. He was a handsome dark long haired boy who, as it turned out, was no good. He was a pot head and was bullying Zach and me into joining his lifestyle. But I tricked him in the end. Assault rifles were involved, but no one was harmed.

Death and appologies

I dreamt that grandma Irene died. It wasn't a sad dream in as much as a letting go kind of dream. She was trying to leave something imortant to me.

My dream about Rick G. was kind of funny. I guess I was thinking about him a little yesterday. I was with my kids and he was with his. I think we were biking. His kids were crying and unhappy when my kids and I passed him by. Then when he caughtup with us I demanded that he give Megan the money he owed her for babysitting.

Invasion and the chase

I dreamt that an invading army was chasing us. I don't really know who I was with, but I think Megan was there. We were keeping one step ahead of the soldiers, and found places to be safe from time to time, but I knew it was just a matter of time before we got caught. I don't think it is my own death I fear. This dream was about Zach and how hopeless and futile it all feels to try to save him from himself. It's a battle I'm not sure I can win.

Meteors and volcanos in Antarctica

Another one for the books of weird. The kids were small, Megan probably 10 or 11, Zach 9 or 10. Dad had this fun adventure to take us on. We went to Antarctica (which was incredibly warm, or maybe it was just our coats). We swam to the very center and we were going to slide down this crazy huge ice slide that had some air drop in it.

We were just about to go down the slide when a meteor glided over head and sliced into the ocean not more than 100 yards from us. We were all wondering what it was we saw and who among us actually saw it when all of a sudden, a volcano started to erupt where the meteor had gone in. Zach was so excited, but we decided it would be best for all of us if we left antarctica before we got showered with lava.

Then I woke up.

Grandpa and statistics

Posting here every morning turned out to be too difficult. I found that I was bringing my self out of sleep too often to try to remember my dreams.

I dreamt of my grandpa a couple of weeks ago. We were going golfing and he had just gotten this really cool brand new golf cart. It was a really cool dream.

Tuesday night, I was in statistics class from 8:00p.m. to 12:30 a.m. I had gone to bed early in hopes of getting enough sleep to not feel horribly fatigued, and ended up tossing and turning in REM sleep until after midnight. I did finally come out of it enough to make my brain shut down. Processing is important, but dadgumit sometimes enough is enough.

I don't remember them now, but my dreams last night were pleasant enough. I have high hopes for tonight as well.

Statistics useful, snow cave not, young love

My first dream wasn't quite so frustrating, in that there was a point. I don't remember it very well, but I do remember that there was a real goal we were working toward. It was still frustrating and still had a lot to do with statistics, but there were real characters and a real goal.

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The second dream was sad. These guys (and I was one of them) went up into the mountains and were going to be their for a while. We were trying to build a snow cave so that we wouldn't freeze to death, but while we were building it, it rained on us and we got wet. We were doomed to die.

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The third dream was about Tia. She and the most popular boy at school, senior, football quarterback, adored by all, were in love. Lisa hated that she was falling for a guy that was probably just using Tia, so she was sending her to live somewhere else. It was kind of sad that she was having to go. Tia was not happy, but she was compliant. Meanwhile, the boy was trying to figure out how to sneak around to see Tia. Ah to be that young and naieve.

Family and failing

Due to the late hour at which I was able to go to bed, the even later hour at which I was able to fall asleep, and the incredibly early hour at which I had to get up, I only have one dream to report. There were more, but I only remember this one.

I was at some Wheel of Fortune carnival with Lex's mother and her husband. We were on this slippery ride sort of thing, and they couldn't get all the way around it without falling. It was fun, but there was some seriousness about it.

They were being allowed one more attempt at getting it right when Vanna told Karen, "If you don't get it right this time, you might as well forget about going to take your exam tomorrow!" I was a little shocked by that. After all, how did this ride have anything at all to do with her exam? Although deep inside I knew, she would not pass the exam if she couldn't even do something so simple as to stay upright on this course.

She looked at Vanna, a little surprised, but then nodded in agreement. This time she was going to make it. She steeled herself, and got ready for the trial.

She looked good as she started, she was much more cautious in her foot placements. Then came the first wave that she had easily mastered on her previous trials. Immediately, she fell to the ground.

When she got up, her face was marked by disappointment. It wasn't so much falling on the course as much as not getting to go to her exam. She had worked very hard for that exam, but now she was resigned to the fact that she would fail.

That is sort of how I feel right now. No matter how hard I work, what effort I give, how prepared I feel, I am doomed to fail. This is not a good place for me. I hope to get out of it soon.

ABA and autism

Another night of dreams that followed the same theme. This time it was Applied Behavior Analysis and its validity.

In the first dream, I was being introduced to people, "experts", who treated people with autism. I was introduced to one man who was an expert in applied behavioral analysis. I told him I had learned recently that apa was outdated and proven to be ineffective in the treatment of autism. (this is not true, of course. ABA can be extremely effective when used correctly. Conversely, ABA can also be extremely abusive when used incorrectly.)

The man seemed embarrassed. As we got to the really good stuff, like how autism is best treated, I drifted into deep sleep. No answers here, I'm afraid.

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In the next dream I was talking to Jason, a real live person who started a psycho-social rehab company after a falling out with ALA (ALA has recently been shut down by the the state), and currently uses ABA with clients he has in group homes, to discuss the benefits of aba. Of course we were discussing this in the most appropriate place, a football field, and I must have been having some sort of dissociative problem, because I was witnessing it from afar(the bleachers). Still no answers for me.

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The last dream was a kind of hodgepodge of the two. The details are very fuzzy. I just know it was, again, about autism and aba and that Jason was there again.

It's good to be awake this morning.