5 minute dream.

I had to come to school early today for the 101 final (to give it, not take it). I woke up at 3:00 am and couldn't get back to sleep (cold/menopause combo?). At about 5:45 I dozed off.

I was sitting with some school friends (though my awake mind has no idea who the people in my dream were), and I told a funny joke. I don't remember the joke, it's just as well, it probably wasn't funny. I looked at the clock and it was 7:03. I jumped up to get ready to go, because I had to be at school at 7:30 am. (I am still dreaming). I went into the bedroom area to see that water was gushing out of all of the vents! Things were getting soaked. I picked up Zach's backpack (which looked suspiciously like mine to my waking mind), and put it on the bed. I was somewhat upset because I had to go to school, I had all of the tests! Luckily, I have this amazing ability to wake up, which is just what I did. And in time to get to school and get the tests to the students.

Triplets?

First, I got stuck in a vasopressin studies feedback loop. I don't know how long I was actually stuck in it, but I did make my self wake up and play games on the computer (because I have no internet at my apartment even though I paid for it) for about an hour. Once my thought patterns had changed enough I went back to sleep - and learned that Megan just found out she is having triplets and that one of them is actually older than the one she knew she was having. It was really weird. The ultrasound was actually a box filled with black shiny dust protecting two pink porcelain penny banks, and a blue porcelain penny bank. A certain really hated ex boyfriend with a set of twins of his own was explaining how the whole think happened.

I haven't talked to Megan yet today, but I'm pretty sure she is still just having the one baby and that a second, older baby isn't sharing the uterin space.

Next time, I want to win the lottery!

I dreamed that Lex had won the lottery - or something. He was filthy rich. So I managed to get my hands on $20,000 and spent it ALL on Zach and Megan (I bought her a wedding dress and vale - is it possible I still have bitter feelings about him not pitching in for her wedding?). Tons of stuff that they really wanted. Housewares for Zach (who is moving out on his own soon), clothing, decorations and fun stuff.

Then, I tried to hide it all so he wouldn't see it when he came over. He found some of it, and took it. He was so mad that I had taken his money (hey, he owes me about $15,000 - another $5000 for interest over 20 years is fair)! The kids were really disappointed. But there was some left.

Until we all went about our business - work and school. We got home and EVERYTHING was gone. Even the heater (reminds me of how he came over while I was at work right after I filed for divorce and took all of his stuff that he want, and much of mine)! Zach was freaking out.

It was just a dream.

Relationship woes

There is no saying how or why it started. I can't even really remember what I was doing. But I was at someone's house (friends of his) and I was working really hard to do something I thought would make him happy. A girl was telling me he would really love it, but I felt she was just humoring me. Then he came by to get me. He was a combination of Lex (that was his name anyway), and Dale, and I guess the majority of men I have had relationships with. He had a german shepherd.

We were going home, he had just rented a place for us. We were driving in his old beater car and we drove to the place. I remember feeling disappointed because I didn't think he approved of all the work I had done for him. Then I remember thinking "oh well, I'm tired of trying to please guys and them not thinking they have to please me!" (this may be a real breakthrough. If I'm dreaming it, it might be set in my mind!)

When we got to the apartment, it was in a mall, but no mall like I've ever been in. It looked like an ancient city at night. We went in and there was a movie theater on the entry floor. I was all excited because we could just take the elevator up and see a movie any time we wanted. He said it wasn't like that, that the apartment was actually several feet down the hall. Then he looked at me and said "If I'd only known! I would have got the other one!"

Then the alarm went off.

House sitting adoption failure

I was a teenager, and a group of kids and I were staying at this really really nice mansion while the owners were on vacation. The guys in the group were destroying the place, and I wasn't doing enough to stop them. When the owners came back, the woman was extremely upset. She decided that she didn't like me anymore and that she wouldn't adopt me (reality check not functioning in dreams is so much fun, isn't it?). I was saying good bye to the little dog when I woke up.

What a busy night!

The first dream found me watching my mother give some sort of speech or class. She was very funny and charming, and I was so proud of her.

---

I was at home in my room with a Manila envelope that had a grade I didn't like on it. I had decided that since I couldn't do well in school, that I would just write a novel and get it published.

---

Brad (ranger brad) was my boyfriend all of a sudden, and he was going to help me get out of my situation. Unfortunately, he started to become belligerent and I told him off.

I took off in a truck that broke down, and he eventually found me and apologized.

Waitressing

It's been a while since I remembered my dream. Last night I dreamed that I was supposed to work as a waitress in this little cafe. No one had really trained me yet, but all of a sudden the bosses were pointing at the tables and people were sitting there, apparently perturbed, because they hadn't been waited on. I was trying to get them some water, but no one would tell me what glasses to use. Finally, the big fat bald old male boss told me to use these plastic glasses that had been flattened. The dream ended with me trying to open up the glasses so I could pour water in them.

The disturbing part of this dream was that the woman was someone I have had some kind of dealings with recently. She was about 60, had her hair all teased, curled and sprayed. She was wearing a bright floral pant suit and she waddled as she walked because she was overweight. I cannot, for the life of me, remember where I have seen this woman! I can't help think that the business I had with her had something to do with Megan, but I can't place her. I got the distinct impression that she thought I was beneath her. Who is she? Is she really someone I have done business with? Is she a compilation of many people? I don't know. It just might drive me batty!

Trudging through grass

My dreams were not so good last night. I dreamed that I was trying to get someplace and was trudging through a thick path of three foot high grass. I looked back and realized I had left a path through it which bothered me. It turned out to be special grass the MML was growing and she knew then she need to get Zach away from me so he would turn out ok.

Then I was in a yard with Megan Zach and Dad and Megan had this little tiny horse. He had hidden in a space behind Zach and when I tried to get him out I heard a pop. Dad said he was limping on one side and I felt horrible. I knew that I had finally done the one thing that would cause me to lose my kids forever.

Not such a good night.

Revisiting the past while creating the future

My dreams were of my past last night. I dreamt of Carrie and Lynn again. Not much different, Lynn was trying to fire me, and Carrie would not get the quality teaching I could give her. Same old same old. I think I dreamt this because I read through some of my old blog posts and was reminded of it all again.

---

I also had those weird non-dreams that just keep repeating over and over again. Nothing is happening, and I am frustrated because I can't get it (what ever it is) to work the way I want it to. I was trying to design a header for a blog, and Megan was involved. That's about it. I am always glad to wake up with those dreams because they get nowhere. Like the dreams I have when I'm sick and I can't do anything to feel better.

These dreams have been occurring with greater frequency since I started school. They started out as dreams that mixed sudoku and statistics, and now, every time I learn something new, I have these dreams. They were especially bad when I was creating the back drop for Megan's wedding. I really don't like it.

Married to lex, again.

I dreamt that I was still married to Lex. He had this job lined up that he thought was going to be pretty great. We were supposed to move to this camp to live. It was horrible. We had a tiny spot just barely big enough to sleep in, and we were supposed to eat and clean and excrete there too. I was absolutely not willing to live there.

I told him so. I said I only had a couple of years to go to get my teaching degree and then we could live good clean lives. He wasn't happy.

I'm not always glad to wake up, and when I am, it's usually because I'm glad to escape dreams like that.

A few fingers for disrespect

This was one of the most disturbing dreams I've had in a long time. Some girls were in a strange town. I guess I was one of them, but I wasn't me. I said something disrespectful to a sheriff, and we were all going to be punished for it.

The punishment: they were going to cut off our fingers. One of the girls with exceptionally pretty fingers was to have her fingers cut off and replaced with the sheriffs fat calloused ugly fingers.

I woke up feeling extremely upset by this dream.

A baby?

This is one of those recurrent themes. I had a baby. I really wanted the baby. I wasn't very good at taking care of the baby.

This one was different in that, in the end, there was no baby. I had hallucinated all of the baby stuff.

No, I really don't want a new baby.

Skiing Pot Head

I dreamt I went skiing. I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was, but I improvised. The next day, I decided to take Zach with me. We were going with another guy who was dating a girl with disabilities. The girl was the one in the movie The Other Sister which we just watched yesterday. They boy was not. He was a handsome dark long haired boy who, as it turned out, was no good. He was a pot head and was bullying Zach and me into joining his lifestyle. But I tricked him in the end. Assault rifles were involved, but no one was harmed.

Invasion and the chase

I dreamt that an invading army was chasing us. I don't really know who I was with, but I think Megan was there. We were keeping one step ahead of the soldiers, and found places to be safe from time to time, but I knew it was just a matter of time before we got caught. I don't think it is my own death I fear. This dream was about Zach and how hopeless and futile it all feels to try to save him from himself. It's a battle I'm not sure I can win.

Black Jack and Barbie

Last night I went to Jackpot. In my dream. I had a $300 (must have been all ones) in my left hand and a one dollar bill in my right. I wanted to play black jack. I found a table with a dealer at it, but I couldn't see his cards. I guess he wasn't yet working. No one would let me play.

Someone was saying how lazy the waitresses were, but I noticed that they were all worn out looking.

Then I wanted to make a coffin for a Barbie doll. I though it was important that little girls learned the seriousness of death. I couldn't find the right kind of materials to make one. So I just woke up.

Stealing someone else's guy

I dreamt that I stole Sophia's husband from her. Strange, I don't even want Sophia's husband. It was one of those strange dreams where I desparately wanted sexual satisfaction, but it was not to be.

Grandpa and statistics

Posting here every morning turned out to be too difficult. I found that I was bringing my self out of sleep too often to try to remember my dreams.

I dreamt of my grandpa a couple of weeks ago. We were going golfing and he had just gotten this really cool brand new golf cart. It was a really cool dream.

Tuesday night, I was in statistics class from 8:00p.m. to 12:30 a.m. I had gone to bed early in hopes of getting enough sleep to not feel horribly fatigued, and ended up tossing and turning in REM sleep until after midnight. I did finally come out of it enough to make my brain shut down. Processing is important, but dadgumit sometimes enough is enough.

I don't remember them now, but my dreams last night were pleasant enough. I have high hopes for tonight as well.

Statistics useful, snow cave not, young love

My first dream wasn't quite so frustrating, in that there was a point. I don't remember it very well, but I do remember that there was a real goal we were working toward. It was still frustrating and still had a lot to do with statistics, but there were real characters and a real goal.

---

The second dream was sad. These guys (and I was one of them) went up into the mountains and were going to be their for a while. We were trying to build a snow cave so that we wouldn't freeze to death, but while we were building it, it rained on us and we got wet. We were doomed to die.

---

The third dream was about Tia. She and the most popular boy at school, senior, football quarterback, adored by all, were in love. Lisa hated that she was falling for a guy that was probably just using Tia, so she was sending her to live somewhere else. It was kind of sad that she was having to go. Tia was not happy, but she was compliant. Meanwhile, the boy was trying to figure out how to sneak around to see Tia. Ah to be that young and naieve.

Statistics, Carrie

There is definitely a pattern emerging here. Once again, the first dream was nonsensical, having to do with blogging and statistics. There was no real rhyme or reason to any of it. When I woke up at 2:00 a.m., I had a really hard time getting back to sleep. They aren't nightmares, but they leave me feeling horribly frustrated.

---

When I finally did get back to sleep around 4:00 a.m., I dreamt of Carrie. She was at some center where no one knew me. I really wanted to see her, but they were not very excited about letting me. I offered to help them, because I knew how to take care of her better than they were, but they were extremely reluctant.

In the real world they absolutely shouldn't let someone they don't know in, but in my dream, I definitely expected them to make an exception for me.

I miss the kids I used to work with, there is no doubt about that. Somewhere in there is a fair amount of residual anger at being pushed out of that job. There was no real excuse for it. I hope someday to come to terms with all of it, and put all of the things exactly where they belong.

Family and failing

Due to the late hour at which I was able to go to bed, the even later hour at which I was able to fall asleep, and the incredibly early hour at which I had to get up, I only have one dream to report. There were more, but I only remember this one.

I was at some Wheel of Fortune carnival with Lex's mother and her husband. We were on this slippery ride sort of thing, and they couldn't get all the way around it without falling. It was fun, but there was some seriousness about it.

They were being allowed one more attempt at getting it right when Vanna told Karen, "If you don't get it right this time, you might as well forget about going to take your exam tomorrow!" I was a little shocked by that. After all, how did this ride have anything at all to do with her exam? Although deep inside I knew, she would not pass the exam if she couldn't even do something so simple as to stay upright on this course.

She looked at Vanna, a little surprised, but then nodded in agreement. This time she was going to make it. She steeled herself, and got ready for the trial.

She looked good as she started, she was much more cautious in her foot placements. Then came the first wave that she had easily mastered on her previous trials. Immediately, she fell to the ground.

When she got up, her face was marked by disappointment. It wasn't so much falling on the course as much as not getting to go to her exam. She had worked very hard for that exam, but now she was resigned to the fact that she would fail.

That is sort of how I feel right now. No matter how hard I work, what effort I give, how prepared I feel, I am doomed to fail. This is not a good place for me. I hope to get out of it soon.