Revisiting the past while creating the future

My dreams were of my past last night. I dreamt of Carrie and Lynn again. Not much different, Lynn was trying to fire me, and Carrie would not get the quality teaching I could give her. Same old same old. I think I dreamt this because I read through some of my old blog posts and was reminded of it all again.

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I also had those weird non-dreams that just keep repeating over and over again. Nothing is happening, and I am frustrated because I can't get it (what ever it is) to work the way I want it to. I was trying to design a header for a blog, and Megan was involved. That's about it. I am always glad to wake up with those dreams because they get nowhere. Like the dreams I have when I'm sick and I can't do anything to feel better.

These dreams have been occurring with greater frequency since I started school. They started out as dreams that mixed sudoku and statistics, and now, every time I learn something new, I have these dreams. They were especially bad when I was creating the back drop for Megan's wedding. I really don't like it.

Carrie

Last night I dreamt about Carrie. She had been away for a long time, but she was back. Lynn had made this really Trena like calender for her. She had gone over things with Carrie's mother, and had found out that she had moved without telling us. I missed her in my dream, and I miss her, and all of the kids, in my waking world as well.

Statistics, Carrie

There is definitely a pattern emerging here. Once again, the first dream was nonsensical, having to do with blogging and statistics. There was no real rhyme or reason to any of it. When I woke up at 2:00 a.m., I had a really hard time getting back to sleep. They aren't nightmares, but they leave me feeling horribly frustrated.

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When I finally did get back to sleep around 4:00 a.m., I dreamt of Carrie. She was at some center where no one knew me. I really wanted to see her, but they were not very excited about letting me. I offered to help them, because I knew how to take care of her better than they were, but they were extremely reluctant.

In the real world they absolutely shouldn't let someone they don't know in, but in my dream, I definitely expected them to make an exception for me.

I miss the kids I used to work with, there is no doubt about that. Somewhere in there is a fair amount of residual anger at being pushed out of that job. There was no real excuse for it. I hope someday to come to terms with all of it, and put all of the things exactly where they belong.