Relationship woes

There is no saying how or why it started. I can't even really remember what I was doing. But I was at someone's house (friends of his) and I was working really hard to do something I thought would make him happy. A girl was telling me he would really love it, but I felt she was just humoring me. Then he came by to get me. He was a combination of Lex (that was his name anyway), and Dale, and I guess the majority of men I have had relationships with. He had a german shepherd.

We were going home, he had just rented a place for us. We were driving in his old beater car and we drove to the place. I remember feeling disappointed because I didn't think he approved of all the work I had done for him. Then I remember thinking "oh well, I'm tired of trying to please guys and them not thinking they have to please me!" (this may be a real breakthrough. If I'm dreaming it, it might be set in my mind!)

When we got to the apartment, it was in a mall, but no mall like I've ever been in. It looked like an ancient city at night. We went in and there was a movie theater on the entry floor. I was all excited because we could just take the elevator up and see a movie any time we wanted. He said it wasn't like that, that the apartment was actually several feet down the hall. Then he looked at me and said "If I'd only known! I would have got the other one!"

Then the alarm went off.

Burning Houses, Ice Dolls, Brain Tumors and Driving to Closely

Have you ever noticed how dreams never have a beginning or resolution? At least mine don't.

So, I'm sitting with some people I know, in the dark. I think we are in a park having a picnic. At night. Well-that's how dreams go, isn't it?

I look to the right and see giant flames leaping into the sky. I point the spectacle out to my companions and we decide to go check it out.

When we get there, it isn't clear whether the house has burned down or just the giant elm tree, but the people who lived there said the house was fine. It was black, but since they said it was fine, it must have been. Anyway, my dream self believed them. And since it suddenly became midday, things had to be fine, right?

So we're sitting and talking for a while. Then I leave with my companions (nameless faceless friends). We are driving in a convertible on a hot day down Shoshone street, having a great time. We have these pieces of ice that in my dream were really dolls. We were giving them to all the little kids. I never saw any little kids, but boy were we giving away the dolls, and boy, did all the little girls love them!

Then we were down to the last of them, and they were nothing but broken shards of ice. The friend who was driving shrugged her shoulders and stuck one in her mouth and crunched it, much to the dismay of all the little girls wanting the dolls. Cannibal woman!

We got to the hospital (I guess - because I was there all of a sudden) and the doctors were firing up the life flight helicopter. They were trying to find a hospital that would take me immediately so I could get brain surgery. Apparently I had a brain tumor. It was an adventure!

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Yesterday morning I was looking to the right, then I looked ahead of me to see that I was about to rear-end the car in front. I slammed on the brakes, and the pain of my ankle being tweaked by my foot hitting the footboard of my bed woke me up!

I got married, then got shot

It started with a big beautiful grey house sitting right next to two little dumpy houses. A woman living in one of the little houses was over visiting me in the big beautiful gray house. She was telling me that I should never forget about the poor people who have to live in the small houses. I told her that my grandpa was living in the little house when he built the big house. She seemed impressed by that.

Then I went to my Fiance's house where his family was having me for dinner. His sister was testing me and I was not passing. She was asking me to do things her family had done for generations, but I had never seen those things being done, ever.

Then we went to get the marriage license, Allec Honc and me. That name put together meant something weird in the dream. I could see it clearly, which was so strange for me, I usually can't read in dreams. He was a little put off that I didn't know what his name was until that very moment that we were filling out the marriage license. But all was forgiven, because we were so desperately in love.

Then I woke up and went back to sleep.

I was looking for the right pajamas for DC. I was upset that I couldn't find them because everyone kept telling me they were right there. Then someone came up and said that a couple had been shot and were bleeding to death.

Allec and I were that couple. I was sitting at his bedside crying and begging him to be alright.

Then I woke up and got up.

House sitting adoption failure

I was a teenager, and a group of kids and I were staying at this really really nice mansion while the owners were on vacation. The guys in the group were destroying the place, and I wasn't doing enough to stop them. When the owners came back, the woman was extremely upset. She decided that she didn't like me anymore and that she wouldn't adopt me (reality check not functioning in dreams is so much fun, isn't it?). I was saying good bye to the little dog when I woke up.

What a busy night!

The first dream found me watching my mother give some sort of speech or class. She was very funny and charming, and I was so proud of her.

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I was at home in my room with a Manila envelope that had a grade I didn't like on it. I had decided that since I couldn't do well in school, that I would just write a novel and get it published.

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Brad (ranger brad) was my boyfriend all of a sudden, and he was going to help me get out of my situation. Unfortunately, he started to become belligerent and I told him off.

I took off in a truck that broke down, and he eventually found me and apologized.

Torn between three lovers

I was the chaperon head person of some kind of fraternity house. Some kids had come by to sit and chat for a while, then they left. I was going around the place, locking up all the doors when I found myself standing in view of a group of men in another house who were sitting around a table and visiting. I finished locking the doors, and a woman came to tell me that it was terrible immodest of me to be seen without my house robe on. I was well dressed, but apparently the coat was needed as well.

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Then I dreamed that I was heading to an island. (this may have been a continuation of the first dream, but I'm not sure). There were two men waiting with me for my time to go (were they from the group at the table?), and they were concerned that I was leaving for the island to meet up with the man I really loved, but wasn't supposed to love. (yes, I watched the bachelorette Monday!)

I received a little box that had a special gift in it. Well, in my dream it was special, but my waking mind wants to know what was so special about creamy frosting. I got all giddy and had butterflies because I knew it was a special message from the guy on the island saying he was excited we were about to be together again. I felt guilty for hurting the other guys, but island guy was the one I wanted.

Unfortunately, I woke up before I made it to the island to be with him.

Waitressing

It's been a while since I remembered my dream. Last night I dreamed that I was supposed to work as a waitress in this little cafe. No one had really trained me yet, but all of a sudden the bosses were pointing at the tables and people were sitting there, apparently perturbed, because they hadn't been waited on. I was trying to get them some water, but no one would tell me what glasses to use. Finally, the big fat bald old male boss told me to use these plastic glasses that had been flattened. The dream ended with me trying to open up the glasses so I could pour water in them.

The disturbing part of this dream was that the woman was someone I have had some kind of dealings with recently. She was about 60, had her hair all teased, curled and sprayed. She was wearing a bright floral pant suit and she waddled as she walked because she was overweight. I cannot, for the life of me, remember where I have seen this woman! I can't help think that the business I had with her had something to do with Megan, but I can't place her. I got the distinct impression that she thought I was beneath her. Who is she? Is she really someone I have done business with? Is she a compilation of many people? I don't know. It just might drive me batty!

The Good, The Bad, The Piano and the Spider.

My dreams really are becoming more typical. Not normal, because I don't know what that is.

The first dream I remember having was about bad guys and good guys. It started with a bad guy threatening to kill a couple of guys if they don't give them the money. I was one of the good guys, and I really wasn't willing to part with my money. It couldn't have been much, about $500 I guess (which is about how much I really have). It was in this big filing box that had tons and tons checks in it. We kept telling the guy that all the money was in the bank. He believed it and was about to leave. Then I saw a little corn of the money sticking down out of the box. I went over and pushed it back up. I didn't know if he saw it, but I had the feeling he'd be back when I wasn't there.

Then, I was this beautiful black woman, the wife of the guy I was, and I saw the guy coming back. I ran back to the apartment to save the wife of the other guy. I told her to hurry up and follow me, the bad guys were coming. I ran to the utility room on the ground level floor, and we slipped through an opening in the floor. It lead to a really dark tunnel (lit only for film purposes, but pitch black to us - like in LOTR when Frodo goes into the tunnels), but I knew the way out. I was holding the other girls hand and feeling along the walls of the tunnels for turns. At the last turn I was telling her to tell me when we got to the next turn. We went through it and waiting for us was the red cross. They were going to take us to the hospital in their red cross mobile. I kept telling them the bad guys were after us.

I don't know if they listened, I woke up.

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In the second dream I bought a new piano so Megan would feel guilty about taking hers with her. There was room for it and everything! It sounded so good, and I thought it would be fun to learn to play songs that Megan knows, but her piano is really out of tune. I hired a guy to come and tune it.

But, like any fantasy worth it's spit, I decided to get it on with the guy. Unfortunately, Lex showed up, and in my dream we were still married. He made such a fuss, and I was so mad. I grabbed a piano string and was going to beat him with it, but then I was all alone.

So I went to put the string on a nail in the wall, but there was a spider on the nail. So I went to find one a little farther in the doorway, and as soon as I got past the spider I turned and looked at it. All of a sudden it was about the size of a tennis ball. I decided I would jot past it back into the room, but I was being held back by spider webs. I made a mad dash to get past it, but it jumped on my back and bit me. It hurt. When I woke up, the muscles in my back were all in a spasm. I guess my body just wanted to get into the dream and make it that much more real for me.

All about me

A normal dream! for me. I dreamed I had a new boyfriend. Oh, there were weird visual cues, but it was one of those dreams I didn't want to wake from. It was all about me!

Gay dream

Oh, the strange!

Last night I dreamed that some man, who was my superior in some respect (I can't remember) told me I think more like a man than a woman. He meant it as a complement (of course). But then, since I thought more like a man, I was suddenly gay and there were three women that I was traveling with who were my new best friends. Of course, I was the fat one. We did some mundane weird stuff on our travels (no - not sex) and finally I woke up.

I was never attracted to those women, but since I thought more like a man, I decided to like women. I guess.

I told you it was strange.

Blog design vs Hollywood and Exercise

Interesting night of dreams. Redesigning my blogs has seeped into my dreams.

Hollywood movies and actors needed to be more honest and real in one dream. The dreams seemed to be happening on a blog background. It was weird. The more dishonest the movie and actor were, the more spotted and melty the blog background and header became. Take that hollywood!

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But it was another dream that had the full gamut of weirdness about it.

Megan and Zach were both trying to get involved in my colleges fitness program which was apparently run by the overzealous, body-building, personal trainer that I rode the bus with and her husband. But I didn't want them to use up all of my money, so I was trying to hide it from them.

At the same time, I was trying to make myself a very sweet mocha (I must miss JAVA) and Jumanji (my first dream of her since her death!) was eating one of the ingredients and threw it all up because it was too sweet and pink. I ended up getting some wheat crackers for her that Megan also wanted. So instead of getting my mocha, I was eating wheat crackers.

We got to the place and there was this dilapidated type of price is right board where you placed a sport device (golf clubs, tennis rackets, etc) in the appropriate hole. I put the golf club in one of them and they said you just have to go out and practice your swing.

Well, I was upset because I can do that without paying.

Then I was sitting in some waiting room for someone who would be setting up my exercise program. I was talking to the before mentioned body builder and her husband when my nose started running. No, not like that. I was pouring - kind of like a really bad nose bleed, but instead of blood it was the slimy mucus gunk. Someone handed me a huge handful of paper towels. I tried to wipe my nose on it, but it was no time at all before it was completely saturated. It was gross.

It was so gross that some of the people who were sitting in the room started leaving. I kept thinking should go to the bathroom to spare everyone, but I was too lazy.

But then, you know what happens at the end of all dreams. You wake up!

Hillbillies meet Aristocracy

Last night I dreamed that it was the day before Megan's wedding and she, a couple of her friends and I decided to go shopping to make sure we had everything together. On the way, Megan was acting like she was invincible and was crossing a street without even looking for traffic. I told her that was not acceptable, because it was special occasions when people were most likely to die (that had to have come from an Oprah show that was about a whole family that was killed by a drunk driver after a wedding on a 4th of July weekend). There was something strange about how it started, though. I kind of remember an old station wagon and some creepy old balloons, it's really fuzzy, but somehow it affected how I was. I was like some drunk hick acting all weird. Megan was acting a little weird, and when Steve came in he wanted to know if we had been drinking. Megan said we had a little, but we hadn't. I was ashamed of myself.

I am ready to start having dreams that aren't about Megan's wedding.

Trudging through grass

My dreams were not so good last night. I dreamed that I was trying to get someplace and was trudging through a thick path of three foot high grass. I looked back and realized I had left a path through it which bothered me. It turned out to be special grass the MML was growing and she knew then she need to get Zach away from me so he would turn out ok.

Then I was in a yard with Megan Zach and Dad and Megan had this little tiny horse. He had hidden in a space behind Zach and when I tried to get him out I heard a pop. Dad said he was limping on one side and I felt horrible. I knew that I had finally done the one thing that would cause me to lose my kids forever.

Not such a good night.

Revisiting the past while creating the future

My dreams were of my past last night. I dreamt of Carrie and Lynn again. Not much different, Lynn was trying to fire me, and Carrie would not get the quality teaching I could give her. Same old same old. I think I dreamt this because I read through some of my old blog posts and was reminded of it all again.

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I also had those weird non-dreams that just keep repeating over and over again. Nothing is happening, and I am frustrated because I can't get it (what ever it is) to work the way I want it to. I was trying to design a header for a blog, and Megan was involved. That's about it. I am always glad to wake up with those dreams because they get nowhere. Like the dreams I have when I'm sick and I can't do anything to feel better.

These dreams have been occurring with greater frequency since I started school. They started out as dreams that mixed sudoku and statistics, and now, every time I learn something new, I have these dreams. They were especially bad when I was creating the back drop for Megan's wedding. I really don't like it.

Paralyzed by a gang of boys

I suppose it would be silly not to chart the sleep paralysis I have here. Especially when they lead to bad dreams.

In this very lucid dream, I was in the front of my house just behind my dad's car, when I saw a gang of boys walking down the street toward my house. I became deathly afraid and ran back to bed. -- well, I wanted to be back in my bed and I was there, because that's where I really was. I hid under my bed and when I realized I was having another "spell," I fought hard to come out of it.

When I did come out of it, I was still terribly afraid. I knew it was just a dream, but it scared the shit out of me.

Married to lex, again.

I dreamt that I was still married to Lex. He had this job lined up that he thought was going to be pretty great. We were supposed to move to this camp to live. It was horrible. We had a tiny spot just barely big enough to sleep in, and we were supposed to eat and clean and excrete there too. I was absolutely not willing to live there.

I told him so. I said I only had a couple of years to go to get my teaching degree and then we could live good clean lives. He wasn't happy.

I'm not always glad to wake up, and when I am, it's usually because I'm glad to escape dreams like that.

A few fingers for disrespect

This was one of the most disturbing dreams I've had in a long time. Some girls were in a strange town. I guess I was one of them, but I wasn't me. I said something disrespectful to a sheriff, and we were all going to be punished for it.

The punishment: they were going to cut off our fingers. One of the girls with exceptionally pretty fingers was to have her fingers cut off and replaced with the sheriffs fat calloused ugly fingers.

I woke up feeling extremely upset by this dream.

A fill up and an oil change

I was filling up the car. I don't know where I was, but I was a long way from Twin Falls, and I was filling up the car. The gas station offered auto services, and it was time for an oil change, so I asked for one. There service was to charge me for finding a place that did the actual service. I was miffed and said I could find a place myself that could give me an oil change for the price they quoted. The ugly slimy old shiister laughed in my face. "Go ahead and try" he says SO I DID

Carrie

Last night I dreamt about Carrie. She had been away for a long time, but she was back. Lynn had made this really Trena like calender for her. She had gone over things with Carrie's mother, and had found out that she had moved without telling us. I missed her in my dream, and I miss her, and all of the kids, in my waking world as well.

Satisfaction

I decided that if I'm really going to chart my dreams to any real extent, I will have to add sex. I have a regular diet of sex dreams. They are fairly cyclical, and usually very frustrating, which is why i have a frustration label.

This dream did not leave me frustrated. It was so weird though. I was embarking on a relationship with a nice dark headed guy who wanted to take things slow. We did a lot of cuddling. Until his friend came home.

His blond, mentally unstable friend, who was really no more attractive, was the one I jumped all over. I don't know why. Does their have to be a reason?

Well, we did a lot of cuddling too, but it went somewhere happy.

Hey, it's just a dream.

A baby?

This is one of those recurrent themes. I had a baby. I really wanted the baby. I wasn't very good at taking care of the baby.

This one was different in that, in the end, there was no baby. I had hallucinated all of the baby stuff.

No, I really don't want a new baby.

Skiing Pot Head

I dreamt I went skiing. I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was, but I improvised. The next day, I decided to take Zach with me. We were going with another guy who was dating a girl with disabilities. The girl was the one in the movie The Other Sister which we just watched yesterday. They boy was not. He was a handsome dark long haired boy who, as it turned out, was no good. He was a pot head and was bullying Zach and me into joining his lifestyle. But I tricked him in the end. Assault rifles were involved, but no one was harmed.

Death and appologies

I dreamt that grandma Irene died. It wasn't a sad dream in as much as a letting go kind of dream. She was trying to leave something imortant to me.

My dream about Rick G. was kind of funny. I guess I was thinking about him a little yesterday. I was with my kids and he was with his. I think we were biking. His kids were crying and unhappy when my kids and I passed him by. Then when he caughtup with us I demanded that he give Megan the money he owed her for babysitting.

Invasion and the chase

I dreamt that an invading army was chasing us. I don't really know who I was with, but I think Megan was there. We were keeping one step ahead of the soldiers, and found places to be safe from time to time, but I knew it was just a matter of time before we got caught. I don't think it is my own death I fear. This dream was about Zach and how hopeless and futile it all feels to try to save him from himself. It's a battle I'm not sure I can win.

Black Jack and Barbie

Last night I went to Jackpot. In my dream. I had a $300 (must have been all ones) in my left hand and a one dollar bill in my right. I wanted to play black jack. I found a table with a dealer at it, but I couldn't see his cards. I guess he wasn't yet working. No one would let me play.

Someone was saying how lazy the waitresses were, but I noticed that they were all worn out looking.

Then I wanted to make a coffin for a Barbie doll. I though it was important that little girls learned the seriousness of death. I couldn't find the right kind of materials to make one. So I just woke up.

Meteors and volcanos in Antarctica

Another one for the books of weird. The kids were small, Megan probably 10 or 11, Zach 9 or 10. Dad had this fun adventure to take us on. We went to Antarctica (which was incredibly warm, or maybe it was just our coats). We swam to the very center and we were going to slide down this crazy huge ice slide that had some air drop in it.

We were just about to go down the slide when a meteor glided over head and sliced into the ocean not more than 100 yards from us. We were all wondering what it was we saw and who among us actually saw it when all of a sudden, a volcano started to erupt where the meteor had gone in. Zach was so excited, but we decided it would be best for all of us if we left antarctica before we got showered with lava.

Then I woke up.

Stealing someone else's guy

I dreamt that I stole Sophia's husband from her. Strange, I don't even want Sophia's husband. It was one of those strange dreams where I desparately wanted sexual satisfaction, but it was not to be.

Grandpa and statistics

Posting here every morning turned out to be too difficult. I found that I was bringing my self out of sleep too often to try to remember my dreams.

I dreamt of my grandpa a couple of weeks ago. We were going golfing and he had just gotten this really cool brand new golf cart. It was a really cool dream.

Tuesday night, I was in statistics class from 8:00p.m. to 12:30 a.m. I had gone to bed early in hopes of getting enough sleep to not feel horribly fatigued, and ended up tossing and turning in REM sleep until after midnight. I did finally come out of it enough to make my brain shut down. Processing is important, but dadgumit sometimes enough is enough.

I don't remember them now, but my dreams last night were pleasant enough. I have high hopes for tonight as well.

Freaky dancing with Cindi's daughter

This morning my dream was really freaky! For some reason, I was going to perform a dance with Cindi's daughter. We had the shoes and the costume, but neither of us knew a dance. We were supposed to get together and create one, but Cindi's daughter was not really into it. She kept going off and doing other things. I finally went to tell Cindi that her daughter wasn't even trying to help come up with a dance, so I wasn't willing to get on stage and perform, as it would only serve to make me an ass. She said that was ok, she was genuinely ok with it. Then she said she really didn't wand to have her daughter involved once she heard Health and Welfare would be contacted. I don't know why, but apparently I had contacted them to complain about the non-compliance of the non-dancing child.

Why would I dream nonsense like that?

The message

It was so profound. "We come into this world completely unprepared for what we are about to experience. Will you be a victim or a healer?" It was THE voice. Yes, it was THAT voice! It was the voice the narrates our lives. It was like I was seeing myself as a baby. It was almost frightening how loud and booming that voice was over all the other static you hear in dreams.

My dreams have not been too terribly interesting as of late. I have not been remembering them long enough to write them down. I actually had a dream after this that was fun. I don't remember what it was about, I just remember it was fun.

The voice was profound. It wasn't like a dream. It was like an interruption. A wake up call. I don't know. I'm not likely to forget it any time soon.