Married to lex, again.

I dreamt that I was still married to Lex. He had this job lined up that he thought was going to be pretty great. We were supposed to move to this camp to live. It was horrible. We had a tiny spot just barely big enough to sleep in, and we were supposed to eat and clean and excrete there too. I was absolutely not willing to live there.

I told him so. I said I only had a couple of years to go to get my teaching degree and then we could live good clean lives. He wasn't happy.

I'm not always glad to wake up, and when I am, it's usually because I'm glad to escape dreams like that.

A few fingers for disrespect

This was one of the most disturbing dreams I've had in a long time. Some girls were in a strange town. I guess I was one of them, but I wasn't me. I said something disrespectful to a sheriff, and we were all going to be punished for it.

The punishment: they were going to cut off our fingers. One of the girls with exceptionally pretty fingers was to have her fingers cut off and replaced with the sheriffs fat calloused ugly fingers.

I woke up feeling extremely upset by this dream.

A fill up and an oil change

I was filling up the car. I don't know where I was, but I was a long way from Twin Falls, and I was filling up the car. The gas station offered auto services, and it was time for an oil change, so I asked for one. There service was to charge me for finding a place that did the actual service. I was miffed and said I could find a place myself that could give me an oil change for the price they quoted. The ugly slimy old shiister laughed in my face. "Go ahead and try" he says SO I DID

Carrie

Last night I dreamt about Carrie. She had been away for a long time, but she was back. Lynn had made this really Trena like calender for her. She had gone over things with Carrie's mother, and had found out that she had moved without telling us. I missed her in my dream, and I miss her, and all of the kids, in my waking world as well.

Satisfaction

I decided that if I'm really going to chart my dreams to any real extent, I will have to add sex. I have a regular diet of sex dreams. They are fairly cyclical, and usually very frustrating, which is why i have a frustration label.

This dream did not leave me frustrated. It was so weird though. I was embarking on a relationship with a nice dark headed guy who wanted to take things slow. We did a lot of cuddling. Until his friend came home.

His blond, mentally unstable friend, who was really no more attractive, was the one I jumped all over. I don't know why. Does their have to be a reason?

Well, we did a lot of cuddling too, but it went somewhere happy.

Hey, it's just a dream.

A baby?

This is one of those recurrent themes. I had a baby. I really wanted the baby. I wasn't very good at taking care of the baby.

This one was different in that, in the end, there was no baby. I had hallucinated all of the baby stuff.

No, I really don't want a new baby.

Skiing Pot Head

I dreamt I went skiing. I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was, but I improvised. The next day, I decided to take Zach with me. We were going with another guy who was dating a girl with disabilities. The girl was the one in the movie The Other Sister which we just watched yesterday. They boy was not. He was a handsome dark long haired boy who, as it turned out, was no good. He was a pot head and was bullying Zach and me into joining his lifestyle. But I tricked him in the end. Assault rifles were involved, but no one was harmed.

Death and appologies

I dreamt that grandma Irene died. It wasn't a sad dream in as much as a letting go kind of dream. She was trying to leave something imortant to me.

My dream about Rick G. was kind of funny. I guess I was thinking about him a little yesterday. I was with my kids and he was with his. I think we were biking. His kids were crying and unhappy when my kids and I passed him by. Then when he caughtup with us I demanded that he give Megan the money he owed her for babysitting.

Invasion and the chase

I dreamt that an invading army was chasing us. I don't really know who I was with, but I think Megan was there. We were keeping one step ahead of the soldiers, and found places to be safe from time to time, but I knew it was just a matter of time before we got caught. I don't think it is my own death I fear. This dream was about Zach and how hopeless and futile it all feels to try to save him from himself. It's a battle I'm not sure I can win.

Black Jack and Barbie

Last night I went to Jackpot. In my dream. I had a $300 (must have been all ones) in my left hand and a one dollar bill in my right. I wanted to play black jack. I found a table with a dealer at it, but I couldn't see his cards. I guess he wasn't yet working. No one would let me play.

Someone was saying how lazy the waitresses were, but I noticed that they were all worn out looking.

Then I wanted to make a coffin for a Barbie doll. I though it was important that little girls learned the seriousness of death. I couldn't find the right kind of materials to make one. So I just woke up.

Meteors and volcanos in Antarctica

Another one for the books of weird. The kids were small, Megan probably 10 or 11, Zach 9 or 10. Dad had this fun adventure to take us on. We went to Antarctica (which was incredibly warm, or maybe it was just our coats). We swam to the very center and we were going to slide down this crazy huge ice slide that had some air drop in it.

We were just about to go down the slide when a meteor glided over head and sliced into the ocean not more than 100 yards from us. We were all wondering what it was we saw and who among us actually saw it when all of a sudden, a volcano started to erupt where the meteor had gone in. Zach was so excited, but we decided it would be best for all of us if we left antarctica before we got showered with lava.

Then I woke up.

Stealing someone else's guy

I dreamt that I stole Sophia's husband from her. Strange, I don't even want Sophia's husband. It was one of those strange dreams where I desparately wanted sexual satisfaction, but it was not to be.

Grandpa and statistics

Posting here every morning turned out to be too difficult. I found that I was bringing my self out of sleep too often to try to remember my dreams.

I dreamt of my grandpa a couple of weeks ago. We were going golfing and he had just gotten this really cool brand new golf cart. It was a really cool dream.

Tuesday night, I was in statistics class from 8:00p.m. to 12:30 a.m. I had gone to bed early in hopes of getting enough sleep to not feel horribly fatigued, and ended up tossing and turning in REM sleep until after midnight. I did finally come out of it enough to make my brain shut down. Processing is important, but dadgumit sometimes enough is enough.

I don't remember them now, but my dreams last night were pleasant enough. I have high hopes for tonight as well.

Freaky dancing with Cindi's daughter

This morning my dream was really freaky! For some reason, I was going to perform a dance with Cindi's daughter. We had the shoes and the costume, but neither of us knew a dance. We were supposed to get together and create one, but Cindi's daughter was not really into it. She kept going off and doing other things. I finally went to tell Cindi that her daughter wasn't even trying to help come up with a dance, so I wasn't willing to get on stage and perform, as it would only serve to make me an ass. She said that was ok, she was genuinely ok with it. Then she said she really didn't wand to have her daughter involved once she heard Health and Welfare would be contacted. I don't know why, but apparently I had contacted them to complain about the non-compliance of the non-dancing child.

Why would I dream nonsense like that?

The message

It was so profound. "We come into this world completely unprepared for what we are about to experience. Will you be a victim or a healer?" It was THE voice. Yes, it was THAT voice! It was the voice the narrates our lives. It was like I was seeing myself as a baby. It was almost frightening how loud and booming that voice was over all the other static you hear in dreams.

My dreams have not been too terribly interesting as of late. I have not been remembering them long enough to write them down. I actually had a dream after this that was fun. I don't remember what it was about, I just remember it was fun.

The voice was profound. It wasn't like a dream. It was like an interruption. A wake up call. I don't know. I'm not likely to forget it any time soon.

Foggy rememberences

The first dreams were about searching, I don't know for what, so of course, I didn't find it.

The second dream involved another man, and food. just like the food we ate at China Buffet yesterday. That was sooooo good!

I waited too long to write about my dreams to accurately report the last dream. I don't remember it now. But then, if my feeling is right about it, it wasn't worth remembering.

Learning and running red lights to bake cookies

I know I did have the usual three dreams last night. The first I don't remember at all. I couldn't even bring up any images of it when I woke up at midnight. The second one involved a long tall man who was teaching me something. That's all I remember about it. The third dream, I remember!

I was at school, and I saw people baking chocolate chip cookies, but they were really sad looking. I knew I could make some really good chocolate chip cookies (in a pizza pan, no less) so I was running as fast as I could to get to my oven! I passed some classmates who I really didn't know and chanted as I passed that I was off to make some cookies!

I kept running, but apparently not fast enough, because my brain put me in a car so I could get there faster. It didn't give me good timing, and I ran a red light that was just about to turn green. An old woman on the other side of the intersection was thinking of turning left, but I avoided her and got to my oven where my cookies were waiting for me.

I was flattening some of them out (not something I would actually do for chocolate chip cookies) and getting ready to put them in the oven when the girls I pass came up to me all mad yelling at me because I ran over that poor old woman's dog and didn't even stop!

"I didn't hit any dogs!" I assured them, but they would listen. So I went over after they had gone and my cookies were in the oven. There was a little cocker spaniel sitting there, not dead at all. I reached down to pick it up. It was a little sore on one side, and I wondered why the "sweet" little old woman had left it there.

Turns out, she had tossed the poor little thing out the window because it was barking in her face! Of course, those girls were long gone, so as far as they know, I hit a poor little old lady's dog and just kept going.

Of course, it was just a dream, but still! I want to find those girls tonight and tell them they needed to have a little less pre-judgement happening, and a little better deductive reasoning skills in place if they want to be in my dreams!

Children and ex-suitors

I have no recollection at all of my first dream. I don't think it was as frustrating, because when I woke up I didn't feel frustrated. I just felt exhausted. That shouldn't surprise me, though.

---

The second dream I had was about a bunch of little kids, like in a daycare, or something. I was helping to take care of them. I was standing at a sink, one made up by my brain. I think Lynn was involved somehow. I also think one of the kids had to get stitches, or I did. That would be because Zach cut his knee bad enough to need four stitches yesterday.

There was a little bit to do with statistics, like the word lists kept going through my mind. Oh well.

---

In the third dream, I ran into a guy who I dated once. It didn't look anything at all like him. My brain decided to make sense of it by making him have some kind of prostate cancer. He actually had prostate problems when I dated him. My dad was there, I guess he kind of liked the guy.

But the guy was being really weird. His dad was trying to tell him not to eat all of the bread because someone else might want a sandwich. So he started licking the bread. It was sick. Luckily, I don't like Bologna sandwiches.

---

Over all, I did have a rather restful night. I even had a little fun. I'm going to write a story called dreams. I already have the opening, I think it's pretty good. I hope this is a really fun story.

Statistics useful, snow cave not, young love

My first dream wasn't quite so frustrating, in that there was a point. I don't remember it very well, but I do remember that there was a real goal we were working toward. It was still frustrating and still had a lot to do with statistics, but there were real characters and a real goal.

---

The second dream was sad. These guys (and I was one of them) went up into the mountains and were going to be their for a while. We were trying to build a snow cave so that we wouldn't freeze to death, but while we were building it, it rained on us and we got wet. We were doomed to die.

---

The third dream was about Tia. She and the most popular boy at school, senior, football quarterback, adored by all, were in love. Lisa hated that she was falling for a guy that was probably just using Tia, so she was sending her to live somewhere else. It was kind of sad that she was having to go. Tia was not happy, but she was compliant. Meanwhile, the boy was trying to figure out how to sneak around to see Tia. Ah to be that young and naieve.

Statistics, Carrie

There is definitely a pattern emerging here. Once again, the first dream was nonsensical, having to do with blogging and statistics. There was no real rhyme or reason to any of it. When I woke up at 2:00 a.m., I had a really hard time getting back to sleep. They aren't nightmares, but they leave me feeling horribly frustrated.

---

When I finally did get back to sleep around 4:00 a.m., I dreamt of Carrie. She was at some center where no one knew me. I really wanted to see her, but they were not very excited about letting me. I offered to help them, because I knew how to take care of her better than they were, but they were extremely reluctant.

In the real world they absolutely shouldn't let someone they don't know in, but in my dream, I definitely expected them to make an exception for me.

I miss the kids I used to work with, there is no doubt about that. Somewhere in there is a fair amount of residual anger at being pushed out of that job. There was no real excuse for it. I hope someday to come to terms with all of it, and put all of the things exactly where they belong.

Family and failing

Due to the late hour at which I was able to go to bed, the even later hour at which I was able to fall asleep, and the incredibly early hour at which I had to get up, I only have one dream to report. There were more, but I only remember this one.

I was at some Wheel of Fortune carnival with Lex's mother and her husband. We were on this slippery ride sort of thing, and they couldn't get all the way around it without falling. It was fun, but there was some seriousness about it.

They were being allowed one more attempt at getting it right when Vanna told Karen, "If you don't get it right this time, you might as well forget about going to take your exam tomorrow!" I was a little shocked by that. After all, how did this ride have anything at all to do with her exam? Although deep inside I knew, she would not pass the exam if she couldn't even do something so simple as to stay upright on this course.

She looked at Vanna, a little surprised, but then nodded in agreement. This time she was going to make it. She steeled herself, and got ready for the trial.

She looked good as she started, she was much more cautious in her foot placements. Then came the first wave that she had easily mastered on her previous trials. Immediately, she fell to the ground.

When she got up, her face was marked by disappointment. It wasn't so much falling on the course as much as not getting to go to her exam. She had worked very hard for that exam, but now she was resigned to the fact that she would fail.

That is sort of how I feel right now. No matter how hard I work, what effort I give, how prepared I feel, I am doomed to fail. This is not a good place for me. I hope to get out of it soon.

Sculpture, old man with a jacket

Once again, the first dream was a hodgepodge of nothings. I didn't feel quite so frustrated, however, and I think that might be because I am rather expecting it now.

---

The second dream was different. There was this old man, whom I was fond of. I was trying to help take care of him, I think, or I was visiting regularly because he was lonely.

He had this jacket that was like a letterman's jacket, but it was a special production of this famous criminal from back in the day. He was quite proud of it, and was all excited about taking it to the expo where everyone would take their "special" memorabilia of this guy.

When we got there, there were several tables out with the special memorabilia displayed. The problem was, every table had the same exact objects. It turned out that there was nothing "special" about any of it.

My elderly friend was disappointed, of course, but I could tell that deep inside, he was sure that his jacket was special.

---

The last dream was cool, because I had made a sculpture that I am going to sketch for further reference.

It was done for this famous rock star diva. She was going to come and sign it for me. (That would never happen in real life, let me tell you). I was all excited.

When it was time to get together for this signing, we had to go to her dad's house first then we would go to the house where that baby was. (by now in the dream the sculpture was actually a baby).

The house where the "baby" was, was the same house my elderly friend from the previous dream lived, but by now I couldn't remember how to get there. When I asked the rock star's mother, she huffed that she just didn't know. I guess she wasn't excited about her daughter leaving already.

---

Now it's daytime, and I have a test to study for, a bill to pay, and oil and tires to change.

Logic storing, storm survival

Last night started off with frustration. I had played a game of mahjong, studied the first two sections of chapter 8 in statistics, and my brain put the two together for storage. I kept seeing mahjong tiles, and I was having a really hard time getting anything to match. I woke u[ and almost didn't want to go back to sleep. I really hate those kinds of dreams. They don't seem to have any point, they don't go anywhere, there is no flow. And they seem to be coming more frequently.

---

The morning dreams were a little better. I was a young 20ish year old and had just gotten married. I never saw my new husband. I got the impression (though it was never said) that he was off doing heroic volunteer deeds after a terrible storm.

I was doing my own thing too. I think I was helping children, but it is rather fuzzy. I do remember feeling good about myself, though. Like I was still standing and able to help, even after such a terrible catastrophe.

ABA and autism

Another night of dreams that followed the same theme. This time it was Applied Behavior Analysis and its validity.

In the first dream, I was being introduced to people, "experts", who treated people with autism. I was introduced to one man who was an expert in applied behavioral analysis. I told him I had learned recently that apa was outdated and proven to be ineffective in the treatment of autism. (this is not true, of course. ABA can be extremely effective when used correctly. Conversely, ABA can also be extremely abusive when used incorrectly.)

The man seemed embarrassed. As we got to the really good stuff, like how autism is best treated, I drifted into deep sleep. No answers here, I'm afraid.

---

In the next dream I was talking to Jason, a real live person who started a psycho-social rehab company after a falling out with ALA (ALA has recently been shut down by the the state), and currently uses ABA with clients he has in group homes, to discuss the benefits of aba. Of course we were discussing this in the most appropriate place, a football field, and I must have been having some sort of dissociative problem, because I was witnessing it from afar(the bleachers). Still no answers for me.

---

The last dream was a kind of hodgepodge of the two. The details are very fuzzy. I just know it was, again, about autism and aba and that Jason was there again.

It's good to be awake this morning.

Intro to Stats, Food, Cynthia and Sophia

I started working on the next chapter of intro to stats before I went to bed last night. It made for fitful sleep, that and the fact Zach stayed up noisily until I yelled at him at 12:30 a.m.

---

I started in the middle ages. I don't really remember much, just that I was frustrated an unable to meet a goal, or I was being punished or something.

---

The next dream I was having a nice dinner with a boy who like me. There was a strange movie playing at this place. Over and over. There were movie screens everywhere. I don't remember any food, and I don't remember what the movie was about. I think in the dream my friend and I were playing tricks on this poor guy. Maybe it was my sister I was with. I think I was about 17 in the dream. It was a pleasant enough dream.

---

In the last dream I had I was going to work. I was following Cynthia L all the way, and she knew I was behind her, but we were avoiding each other. (I have seen Cynthia at the store twice this week, and I know she saw me too, but we avoided each other).

Next thing I know, I go to where she is working, and suddenly she is Sophia. I am trying to work with her with this really seedy character who doesn't really want anyone to know what his business is. There are all of these wild animal skins, and one bear skin actually turned out to be a bear. She got bitten and her husband was there suddenly, telling her to get out, he didn't approve of his wife doing that kind of work.

Then there were all these guns, and I got cut on one, and was trying to explain to her husband that there really wasn't anything that bad about her working there as she might not ever have to sleep with any clients. But I knew she would, and had.

---

Now it's morning.

Eating and abuse

The last time I went on a diet, I dreamt a lot about looking thinner, and being happier. I have started a new diet, so of course my dreams will center around it somehow.

Last night I dreamt that I was at a restaurant with my dad and I think Lynn, and maybe even my mom. I was eating bean dip, with corn chips. (sounds really good right now) Anyway, someone questioned why I was eating the dip with the chips, because the chips have so many calories. I said the chips made the dip taste better.

I was so depressed in the dream. Those three people have been quite abusive to me. Zach has been a little as of late, so I’m sure that’s where the bad feelings came from. Funny how eating while being abused and feeling depressed is what I would dream about.

Post Number One

This is the first post in my experimental blog. I am setting up this blog because I am learning about blog design via trial and error.

I have already learned quite a bit about how to make colors and fonts work. I have also figured out a lot about how to tweak a blogger template and have it turn out ok.

There is just one thing I would really like to learn next, and that is how to hide and expand text. I have found a few blog sites that are using this technique, and I think it would really add to the look and feel of my main blog, Dear Universe.

So I am off and running. Wish me luck.